i just want back in your head
by majorlymortifying
Summary: She's always leaving. Angst. Only rated T for swearing.


**Author's Note:** Reviews get you kisses, prompts get you my undying love and affection. Mwah!

She's always leaving.

That's one of the many problems in their relationship: he gives her everything he possibly can and she freaks out and runs away. She "just can't deal" or she "needs some time." Or, Logan's personal favorite, she "has a lot on her mind." There's always a lead on a case or a curfew or Wallace needs her and God forbid he wait five minutes.

It's getting to the point where he's almost terrified of leaving her alone for even a second whenever it's just the two of them. Logan Echolls is not afraid of many things. Not his father beating him, not that pesky motorcycle gang that wavers between being cordial toward him and aiming for his blood on the pavement, and definitely not a tiny, blond private eye with a habit of getting on his nerves and putting her nose in other people's business. But his feelings for Veronica Mars? Absolutely terrifying.

He hasn't really loved a girl since Lilly and he never really loved a girl before Lilly either, so there's that. Part of him wonders if this whole thing with Veronica is just because she reminds him of _before_. Before his best friend was crazy and skipped town, before his girlfriend was dead, and before his mom jumped off a bridge and left him alone with his father. Don't even get him started on Trina.

He does this thing where he makes a joke when things get rough or he picks at her insecurities, shifting the attention away from him and back to her. One snide remark about how her mother left her or how she has one friend left in this whole town and she's done criticizing him and switches to just screaming insults at him. He can deal with those. He's been hearing insults his whole life and he can just come back with a sarcastic remark. The criticism is what hits a little too close to home.

Especially since Veronica knows exactly what to say to get under his skin. It's not hard, since she knows everything there is to know about him.

They've hung out a few times, made out a little, and things are going well. At least, he thinks they are. He can never tell what's going on inside her head, which is disconcerting. He's usually good at figuring people out.

So he takes the plunge.

He tells her he loves her. God, they've been doing this... _thing_for a few months now and he's just going to come out and be honest. He says it and she gets that look she does when she's interrogating a suspect.

He knows that look.

He probably shouldn't, but their past has been rocky, to say the least.  
>She's got two possible routes right now: she can say it back and not mean it or she can just not say it. Either one sucks. They both know that. So he shoves on his best poker face, smirks, and stands up. "How about some drinks?"<p>

"Logan, I -"

He holds up a hand to silence her and leaves the room. He tries not to think about what just happened as he peruses the liquor cabinet, pulling out some gin. Scratching the back of his neck and scrubbing a hand over his face, he returns to the bedroom.

She's gone.

He should have known.

It still stings.

* * *

><p>He doesn't see her for a few days, which is her usual M.O. when this happens. But then she shows up at his door with a paper bag in one hand and six pack of Coke in the other. She holds them up and he quirks an eyebrow. Seriously. What is this?<p>

"Peace offering?" She bites her bottom lip and, yeah, she's cute, but that's not going to magically fix everything. He's pissed.

He doesn't say anything, but he holds the door open a bit wider and moves to the side so she can walk in beside him. She brushes against him, intentionally, he thinks, and he looks away. He can't do this with her again.

She sets what he can only imagine is food and drinks on the table, turning to him. Her hands are in her back pockets and her shoulders are kind of hunched, like she's nervous. She should be. He's about fucking ready to let loose.

"Logan." That's all she says. Just his name. She leaves it hanging in the air like it's a tangible object he's supposed to reach out and grab, to give some sort of meaning to. He won't.

Neither of them speak for the longest time until he decides that he's had enough. He's sick of her games and her inability to let herself feel anything for him. "No, Veronica. I won't do this again." He's dead serious this time. No more jokes. "I told you I love you. And you left." He leaves it there, lets her turn it around in her mind to realize exactly how shitty that was. "Again," he adds.

She moves to speak and he shakes his head. "I just don't understand why you won't let yourself love me." He can't help but raise his voice and it comes out as more some sort of noise of frustration than a rational statement. He takes a moment to breathe before addressing her again. "I need to know, Veronica."

"Know what?" Her voice is shaky and he won't let himself give in to her. Even if she cries. God, he really hopes she doesn't cry. He hates it when she cries. It breaks his heart a little bit, because it contorts her entire face and she turns kind of red, like she's fighting it as hard as she possibly can.

"Whether or not you can let yourself be with me without running away every time things get too heavy for you." His voice is shaky, too, and he curses himself for that, but it can't be helped.

She just looks at him for a moment. He stares right back at her, his breathing sort of short and hard to maintain. Her face gets really sad all of a sudden and she walks over to him. He already knows what she's going to say and it hurts like hell.

Her hands are on his shoulders and she's kissing his cheek gently, pulling him in for a quick, tight hug. "I just can't right now, Logan. I'm sorry." He doesn't want her apologies, but he doesn't say it. His pride won't let him say anything right now.

So he just nods and watches her while she leaves.

Yet again.


End file.
